well I can't set my house on fire every night
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
