I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
