whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
