some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize