I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
