I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
