I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
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