Too much gin, very little bucket
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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