The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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