is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
