glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
