she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
