tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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