Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
