I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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