I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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