don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize