So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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