On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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