He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
