Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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