There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
