He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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