I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Randomize
