My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
