youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
