we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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