my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
