so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
