Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
