Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
The feeling are messing with the penis
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
