So drunk its hurt
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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