The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
This is my gift to your gina
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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