I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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