the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
so explain again why im purple
no
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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