just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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