some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
