My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
