Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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