What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
BRING THE BAGELS
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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