Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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