my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize