o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
