oh god the rape fog is back!
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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