it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
