Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
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