So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
