Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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