What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
