i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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