Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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