but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
