Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Randomize
