One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
