I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
tell me about the fingering
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