3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
no, he came in my armpit
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Shame is for Republicans.
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