Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
