I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
North Korea, Best Korea!
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
