Kiss
Puke
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
