I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
