pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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