I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Jerry, you need to find god
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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