I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
My dick has a subreddit
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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