two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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