i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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