Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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