I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
