FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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