I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
