so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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