can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I wanna passion pit in your ass
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
3pm strippers are depressing
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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