i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Randomize