oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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