Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
